Save My Marriage And Rekindle The Flame
"My wife cheated on me and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I still love her and I believe she loves me. I'm just so hurt that I haven't been able to make a decision as to whether or not I should try to save my marriage."
There is little to nothing more devastating to an individual, to a marriage, than experiencing an extra-marital affair. People who live through this commonly feel a profound sense of loss, betrayal and inability to trust. The spouse who had the affair may feel similar feelings along with profound guilt when faced with the thought of losing their spouse as a result of their actions.
Marriage help is available from professionals and the couple can also look for help from within themselves as well. No one should make excuses or blame themselves for their spouse's infidelity. On the other hand, it's quite often not the case that one member of the pair single handedly wrecked the marriage. An examination of the quality of marital life before the affair can shed some insight on what may have contributed to it.
"I think our marriage can get through this. I decided that I'm just going to carry on and ignore it in order to save my marriage." "She's a good person; I'll deal with being bored; I want to save my marriage." Suppressing your feelings about a spouse's affair and forcing yourself to be content with the hand you've been dealt isn't really saving your marriage. Making empty promises to be faithful and faking your satisfaction also probably isn't the most effective manner in which to deal with what has happened.
A common erroneous assumption is that love and satisfaction of basic needs are sufficient to maintain a marriage. Maintaining any marriage, even one that appears to be happy, requires serious work. Non-verbal and face-to-face communication are important determinants of success in a marriage. A therapist with a specialty in marriage counseling is a good resource to consider if a couple finds that maintaining open and healthy communication is too difficult.
You might be in a situation where your spouse does not wish to attend therapy. This should not dissuade you from trying it out. A quality professional can deal with your deeper issues and make you mentally healthier. Such improvement will decrease the likelihood of small arguments in the household, which is a great first step toward dealing with couples issues.
Used to be, in the old days, that marriages lasted forever; "'till death do us part" actually had a binding meaning and people grew old together...for better or for worse no one went around asking how to save marriage. Seems like those days are over, marriages last less and less everyday and people often find themselves asking how to save my marriage? One way to save a marriage is to work it out. Negotiation is very important while working out problems. Marriage counselors help married couples work through their problems and differences. Even though they may seem expensive, they are well worth it if they can help save your marriage.
Published January 23rd, 2008